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Community Post: 11 Of The Worst Things You Can Say To Someone Struggling With Infertility

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“Are you sure you’re doing right?” — Your mom

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1. “Are you pregnant yet?”

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No, are you tactful yet?

2. “Maybe having children is not in God’s plan for you.”

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What may be comforting to some is deeply insulting to others. Infertility can feel like a personal failing and by putting it down to simply not being in God’s plan, you are throwing our suffering in our face.

3. “Just be patient.”

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Imagine yourself in our shoes and what it would be like if someone kept telling you to be patient for something you desperately want and may never have.

4. “Have you tried the fertility diet?”

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Or acupuncture? Or sleeping with your pelvis tilted at a 45 degree angle? Or Googling fertility spells? Yep, we’ve tried literally everything.

5. “At least you still get to sleep in on weekends!”

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6. “Everything happens for a reason.”

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When you’re struggling with infertility, every month is an emotional rollercoaster of hope and anticipation, followed by heartbreaking disappointment. Please don’t tell us there’s a reason for this. We’d rather you acknowledge how much it sucks and mourn with us.

7. “Why don’t you just adopt?”

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“Just” adopt? Adoption should not be treated like a consolation prize or like a quick fix to someone’s yearning for a biological child. It’s a deeply personal choice, a huge decision, and there’s nothing “just” about it.

8. “I got pregnant my very first cycle off the pill.”

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We’re truly happy for you, but is it necessary to rub it in?

9. “Even though you miscarried, at least you know you can get pregnant.”

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File this under: “highly insensitive.”

10. “You just must be too stressed.”

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You know what’s stressing me out? This conversation.

11. “Well at least you can have fun trying!”

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Sadly, IVF can kill your sex drive, but…you’re not completely wrong. *Winks suggestively*

So what should you do?

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Offer your support, love, and an endless supply of hugs.

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